…is now, I think a bullshit song.
I say that as a mom of two who is almost always with another person.
One thing that you are NOT supposed to say about being a mom is how LONELY it is. You love your children, you love your partner (if you have one, presumably), but lo, is it lonely in here.
I’ve thought about this long and hard and I think it is because you are just constantly DOING. I don’t mean necessary accomplishing and discussing; you are just plain flat out DOING.
So, whether it is feeding, face and/or butt wiping, cleaning, bathing, helping, dressing, undressing, reading, entertaining, explaining, disciplining, etc….
That’s not to say that there aren’t the good points; laughing, singing, hugging, kissing, loving…….
All of that is work! Even the work you like and LOVE it is still WORK.
So, after a hard day (most days) of doing all of these things, you are freaking tired.
In those quiet moments before you drift off to sleep, though, that’s when you think:
“I used to have friends. I still do. I don’t think I’ve had a conversation with those friends in a while. I have no idea when I will have to the time to have an actual adult conversation with them.”
Twisted around sad face.
Those are the moments when you realize that you really are ALONE in this one. You might have a partner, but interaction outside of your family can be hard to achieve.
The problem that I struggle with now is that I want that adult interaction, but find myself at a loss for things to talk about.
I am not as engaged in some fluff as I used to be, I’m tired, I don’t want to talk about JUST children, and I find myself to be boring at times, so I assume that right now people will as well.
I want to get past this insecurity, but I honestly have trouble even paying attention to other adults!
That makes me a bad person and I’m mad at myself for confessing it.
However, if I get out of my house to interact with non-family, non-co-workers, I often have trouble paying attention because I am so tired physically and mentally, that I just zone out and try not to drink any liquor we are having too fast.
I am sure that I am not the only parent experiencing this, but I am struggling right now to be a good parent without losing my mind from being cooped up too much with wee ones.
I suppose that my only choice right now is to keep DOING and try to carve out that time for myself even when I think I’m too tired for it………..
notimetomakethedonuts 