It is easy to believe we are each waves and forget we are also the ocean…

We, like most people, have neighbors.

On one side of us, we have the neighbors that cannot seem to fight in their house because fighting in their front yard is so much more palatable to everyone else.

On the other side, we have a hall for aging veterans, so we like them. They aren’t there much and there are fewer and fewer of them, which is sad.

Across the main street from us is a cemetary, which is even SADDER.

Across the sidestreet, there is a young couple about our age with a few young children. I originally started mocking them, which is terrible, because they have all of these libertarian bumper stickers on their cars and the closer we got to the 2012 election, the more bumper stickers they would add to their cars. It became incredibly humorous to me.

Let me back up. I’m a liberal, but you’re never going to know if from my bumper stickers or lack therof, my yard signs, or my t-shirt. I will talk about politics, but I’m not putting bumper stickers on my car. To each his own. There was a Ron Paul sign in their yard for a month or so, but we all know how that panned out.

My husband started talking to the husband and found out that they have a few things in common in terms of interest in firearms. Yes, we are liberals who own a firearm. They took this as an opening to mean that we believe the same things. Eh, not so much.

So, my husband is trying to be friendly to these people and the first time we’re over there, the wife describes her dislike of minimum wage because it will increase the cost of her big mac, was angry that the pediatrician asked her if she has a gun in her home (you know they were invading her privacy, not reminding her that kids get killed by the thousands every single year by guns in their own homes because firearms are not locked up properly.), and some bootstrap and magic bullshit that these types of people always pluck from their ass. I pretty much zoned out. It was their home, I was trying to be polite. Oh yeah and they are big Christians. Of course they are.

The next time we spend time with them, they come over to our house, and they assert that they don’t believe we should pay taxes (I guess it was okay when he parked in the old veteran’s home parking lot and use their personal property to park his vehicle) and think that they should get back tax money on things that they don’t use, like libraries and the public schools. She said this out loud. This was after talking about him being on unemployment for awhile.

My husband just flat out told her, “I think we can get along if you stop talking about politics.”

At this point with me, the toothpaste is out of the tube. I’ll be friendly, but as far as spending my free time with them, it’s far too precious.

You see, if we get rid of taxes and the government and I decided to start raising pigs and not taking care of them, what are they going to do? I’m going to let my pigs shit in their well (we don’t have a water department anymore).

If they get sick from pig shit infested well water, who can they call? We don’t have a police system or court system anymore.

What about for the pig shit illness? Where will they take them? A doctor. What boards did they pass? What meds have been tested and met an FDA standard (doesn’t exist)?

Do they shoot my pigs with their guns to get them off of their property? Well, now they just destroyed my property so I’m going to burn down the fence in their backyard to even things out (if I’m rational).

It’s all nice to talk about MAH money, but you don’t live on an island. Both of these people went to public school. Who do they think paid for that?

My husband can be nice and forget about it, but this comes down to how you fundamentally see people.

Others are taking your stuff or you realize that we are all part of society. I’m not sure how I can get past that, it’s a pretty big impasse.

 

Everything Changes But Change Itself

We had Easter festivities at my house yesterday. And although it was a pretty good time, I was worn out by the end of the day and fell asleep soon after the kids did. Holidays change from the adults’ perspective when you start getting into all of the work that must be done to achieve a fun filled day. The time you spend enjoying just seems to feel like less compared to the time spent in preparation.

I tried to keep it a little smaller this year, but the kids still had fun. They still ate too much candy and were “too wild” when amped up on all this candy.

This morning, we sat at breakfast and I felt a sadness that we didn’t get to spend more time together having fun yesterday because I had to take care of so many adult tasks to make it “special”. I felt sadness that my children keep getting bigger and bigger and the time just goes faster and faster and I cannot slow it down; I can barely keep up.  I felt sadness that our families keep drifting apart more and more each year instead of growing together. My husband complains that his family never has get togethers anymore and I felt bad for him. His grandma is still alive and that is probably why ANY family functions still even occur in his family. That sounds sad, but often, when the grandparents go, so goes the family. As it is our nature to move into our own immediate family traditions and create our own holiday events.

The older I get, the more the holidays make you remember your childhood and these childhood events. My family on both sides was large, so I remember big Easter egg hunts and tons of people crammed together in a tiny old house. I remember adults smoking in house (gasp!) and playing cards while they kids played outside, probably without an adult in sight. People showed up to be together and we stayed for long hours.

It just doesn’t seem to be that way anymore. I have alot of our traditions at our house and my parents stay but for a short time before they take off back to their homes. We go out there and usually stay longer, but have to scurry back home ourselves because somebody has to work or we have to go to another house. It just seems like we’re always rushing around and the normal things that we used to do when I was a kid, relaxing, it just doesn’t happen anymore. Everything feels OBLIGATORY instead of sitting down and having a good time.

I can’t fully explain myself; maybe aging has merely lifted a facade of what I thought holidays used to be. At any rate, it just seems to make me sad.

Commitments

My husband and I attended a wedding this weekend. An evening wedding. We had shipped the small ones off to the grandparents’ homes so that we can enjoy a “date” on someone else’s dime.

Yeah, I said it. Don’t act like you don’t go to wedding for some chicken and cake. And booze. Or that it wasn’t the high point of the evening.

We were sitting there holding hands through the ceremony. It was short, sweet, and their own. I couldn’t be happier for this couple.

Next to us, sat a couple who were maybe in their late 30’s, early 40’s. The wife cried. The husband looked annoyed and sat there like he had a rod up his blazer. She kept saying, “Aw. How sweeet!” And teared up. I looked at my own husband and said, “What’s THEIR deal?”  My husband looked at me, confused, because he says I look for things that aren’t there. While that might be true, the wife was crying and the husband was too busy filming this wedding with his GIANT cellphone to reach over and hold her hand or look at her lovingly? Something was up.

When they got up, my husband had told me that while I was off mingling, she had told him her whole life story. Where they lived, she had two daughters, etc. We ate and then had a few drinks and went outside. These two were out there sitting at another table and they were talking. I heard something about how his having other women around wasn’t part of the “arrangement.” Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Now it all made sense. This thing here was an arrangement. A commitment to their arrangement.

I couldn’t help but feeling sad for both of them. When we sat and watched this wedding, my husband and I felt stronger. We remembered our own wedding. When they watched this wedding, what did this couple feel? Sadness? Disgust? Like they too were once in love, but now felt betrayed and tricked?

Look, I’m no fool………I realize that there are alot of these arrangements floating around as far as marriage is concerned. Yes, people get divorced; they also can come to an understanding. I KNOW THIS HAPPENS. I’m sure it used to happen MORE. My marriage is no piece of cake itself, it is WORK. All relationships are work. I just wonder how worth it is to be committed to a marital arrangement versus being committed to a marriage?

If other people have opinions, I would like to hear them.

 

You know you are on to something when you are pissing off the right people..

So, apparently, my post about women not thinking that sexist humor is the height of hilarity really touched a nerve with some guys on what I can only guess is some MRA website.

I haven’t been on here in a while and a noticed a spike on my post about how women don’t find every single thing every single man says funny all the time. Especially, the sexist, racist, garbage that passes for “edgy humor” that is really just old tropes recycled for the unimaginative.

Well, apparently, how dare I write ON MY OWN BLOG about how I’m NOT OBLIGATED to laugh at dumb, bigoted shit regurgitated by assclowns. I bet I had 20 or more comments, ranging from insults to anger because I DARE to say won’t laugh at the jokes created by hacks.

You can insult my looks, question my sense of humor (I find humor in lots of things. Just not 12 year old study hall humor being recited by middle aged men), and skewer women as a whole in an attempt to make yourself feel better.

Pssss, I got a secret: you’re still NOT funny.

I suspect now that all the whiny butts will show up and perform what is the internet equivalent of having a hissing fit and fill my comment box up with their childish insults and I’ll keep giving them the kick in the ass they deserve by dumping their comments in the garbage.

It seems I’m pissing off all the RIGHT people.

The Day My Dad Unfriended My Sister from Facebook or I Come From a Long Line of Hotheads….

Today, my dad unfriended my sister from his Facebook friends list.

It seems pretty juvenile and childish when you say it out loud. It looks somewhat more reasonable in “print”. I think…

My dad is a 69 year old recent retiree, who has a lot of free time. He watches t.v., calls and e-mails politicians, fights with conservatives on the internet and at Wal-Mart (this is according to my stepmom) to fill his time when he cannot go fishing or camping. He doesn’t have a hair trigger, but he also doesn’t keep his mouth shut.

I can remember sitting in my grandmother’s (his mother’s) livingroom listening to her call Reagan either a “bastard” or “lying S.O.B.” when I was a kid.

I myself have been known to argue virtually, in person, e-mail politicians, and argue with them in meetings. I would like to take all of the credit for being an impassioned loudmouth, but as illustrated above, I come from a long line of hotheads.

So, it should come as no surprise to me (although it does), that my sister is also a hothead. She and my half brother moved to Texas when we were kids with their mother. They are now certified Texans. Not to generalize, but they’ve turned into gun toting CINOs who bitch about the government while receiving aid FROM the very horrible socialist/marxist/communist government that they rail against. It is fucking wrong.

So, in an effort to keep my blood pressure low, I blocked her from my feed. I don’t have a clue what pictures of “Socialist in Chief” she puts up anymore. She is too ignorant to even argue with about it. Don’t even get started with guns. Charlton Heston would be jealous.

Apparently, the voting down of the background checks in the Senate yesterday unleashed a firestorm between the two of them. This included my dad dropping the f-bomb in the form of “they are not coming to take your fucking guns.” My dad, btw, owns multiple guns, but has REFUSED to join the NRA since probably the mid 90’s when they started getting ultra conservative. I’ve seen him tear up his old NRA card before (SEE! Hothead).

A little extra information for you….my kids are biracial (black/white) and while my dad was racist when I was growing up, it sure turned him around once he had grandkids that they could be a kid who had all kinds of racial prejudice heaped upon them. The reality of all of his shitty racist views bit him in the ass. HARD. I’m glad for it too. I wouldn’t say he’s perfect. Let’s just say, you better not mess with grandkids or say something racist (HOTHEAD).

He now acknowledges the coded racism, dogwhistles, and not so subtle racism that this country has AMPED up since around 2008. She put up a picture that is supposed to be President Obama crying and I am pretty sure that snapped it.

They exchanged words. He unfriended her and told me he’s not going back.

In one respect, it makes me sad/mad that my father may not have actually gone this far had his grandchildren not been biracial. It might not have made him as sensitive to that crap, right? It makes me sad that she doesn’t get that she’s attacking her own family with racist tactics and lies.

I wish my family didn’t fight, but I know that these fights are going on now all over the world and have been going on forever. I do know that we are moving towards (not there yet!!) a more accepting society of all people. In doing that, tough decisions will need to be made by people about what they will tolerate, even within their own families. Am I obligated to still be close to you as my family member when you are essentially talking shit about my husband and kids? I don’t know. My immediate inclination (HOTHEAD) was to snap and start arguing with her, but I’m trying to be calm. Sort it out. Figure out how to have a reasonable discussion with her about this situation aka not be myself. NOT be that hothead.

It is a fine line between being calm and letting someone know that you won’t take their bullshit.

It isn’t that women have no sense of humor, men just aren’t as funny as they think that they are aka being a douchebag isn’t “edgy”…….

As a woman in America, I would venture to say at least once a month (if not more), I get to hear the tired trope about either a) have no sense of humor, b) aren’t funny, 0r c) all of the above.

Sigh.

Hmm, how many times have I heard women saying this?  Lemme think. About zero. Oh, I’m sure some woman someone has told me that, “Men are just funnier…” or something to the effect.

How did the male perspective of humor become the default? Does that mean that men are just inherently funny or is their humor promoted as the default humor because men tend to have more power and “humor” (male version thereof) is just an extension of said power? And if women were considered equally funny, then women would be active and men would be the passive hyenas laughing (even when the jokes weren’t funny??).

Well, as a woman who used to hang out with more men than women, let me break the cold honest truth out for men: all of you are not funny. I would say the majority of you aren’t funny; in fact, the funnier that you think you are, the less likely you are to be funny. We too have seen that stand up act that you are skimming from, butchering, and pretending is your own fresh material. We own televisions. We leave our homes.

If you think about it, especially if you go backwards (I cannot believe I am saying this) in time, you will find well known comedic genius tended to be more thought out. Those people that were hailed as funny 20 or 30 years ago, had (usually, not always, but usually) humor that was meant to cushion a blow to a significant truth or ignorance in the human condition. Pryor, Carlin, Williams, Bruce, Martin, Rock, etc. They might say foul things with foul language, but there was a point.

I thought that we were finally starting to get somewhere with the rise of people like Chappelle, Izzard, DeGeneres, Black, Cross, Goldberg, Griffin, Cho, Sykes, and the list goes on….

I mean, we’re talking diverse people here with diverse voices.

Then what the fuck happened? In the last few years, I have seen what I called the Andrew Dice Clay revival aka “dudebro” humor through Tosh, Jezelnik, Holcomb, MacFarlane (not a stand up, but an asshole with a cartoon empire), etc.

What the hell? I knew it hit an all time low when MacFarlane was hosting that sham of an Oscars. I already have issues with Oscar phoniness, but you’re going to let this man who has the maturity of a 14 year old host this show and sing about seeing actresses’ boobs. Geez.

Here is where I take issue with it

• The notion that making racist, sexist, ableist jokes is “fresh”. Yeah, that shit isn’t fresh. Maybe if those things were overcome in our society, we could make jokes. I think every single one of those assholes has made repeated jokes about rape and domestic violence.
• The notion that women are obligated to laugh at anything men deem a “joke”. If you make some horrible joke about domestic violence and expect me to laugh, it doesn’t mean I don’t have a sense of humor when I don’t. IF I laugh at NOTHING, then the assertion is true. Not laughing at a joke about DV doesn’t mean I don’t have a sense of humor.

What saddens me is that the Tosh and Jeselnik and other frat boys that I went to college with who gets show on Comedy Central will be always lauded as “so funny” for basically just retelling asshole jokes.

Women laugh….when something is really funny to us. We laugh.

 

 

 

 

Have a burnt cookie…

Shane Windmeyer is a gay rights activitist.  Apparently, he and Dan Cathy, the Chick-Fil-A anti-LGBT bigot have been calling, texting, and e-mailing.

Shane Windmeyer has met face to face with Cathy. Cathy no longer is funding groups that are actively trying to prevent marriage equality;  just groups that don’t condone gay marriage.

And Cathy hasn’t changed his beliefs about gay people being people who deserve love and rights.

So, thumbs up! Back to eating chicken sandwiches, agitators! AMIRITE?

No.

Now, I am not a gay person. So, this is just my personal opinion. I’m not trying to question or dismiss Shane Windmeyer, but he met the guy and he didn’t have horns. Cathy met Windmeyer and he DOESN’T have horns either.

The result? Windmeyer now admits he is a friend of Cathy’s and he’s a HUMAN. Cathy stopped funding hate groups, but still doesn’t realize that love isn’t restricted to straight people.

I have problems with this.

Windmeyer, by meeting Cathy, and not getting spit on…thinks Cathy is a okay. Cathy still thinks he doesn’t deserve to marry the person he loves.

I married outside of my race. If I were in this same situation, I would not write an article proclaiming Dan Cathy’s humanity because he still thinks my marriage is an abomination.

Bad people still have manners. They still look human.

Maybe I have the luxury to feel that way because I, as a straight person, fully enjoy that right. Windmeyer may feel the need to go for the velvet glove instead of the iron fist to get Cathy and his ilk to come around.

Here is where I REALLY start to have issues.

I repeatedly see this notion that those in the disadvantaged situation must convince and pamper those preventing THEIR rights into coming over to their way of thinking. They must be “tolerant” to intolerance. So, those who are trying to prevent rights are fully within the realm of reasonableness to act like petulant children because people not like them might get something that they fully enjoy. Those within the group being insulted? They must take the “high road”.

What utter horseshit.

Dan Cathy made a PR move in an attempt to get business back. The only people impressed by this are people who have never been in a position of disadvantage where breadcrumbs were thrown to shut them up. Dan Cathy is still a narrow minded bigot. Since when is being a decent human being worthy of a gold star? You’re SUPPOSED to not be an asshole.

He doesn’t get a cookie for still hating people.

Actually, I take that back.

I made a special cookie for Dan Cathy. I put it in the oven and walked away. I forgot all about his special cookies but at least I MADE HIM COOKIE BATTER AND PUT THEM IN THE OVEN.

So, here Dan, here is the best I could do for you: a big ole batch of half assed burnt cookies. I fully expect you to eat every single one and talk about how great they are. Isn’t that a great gift that I’ve given you?

Nostalgia

I’ve been busy. And in hiding. WELL, not REAL hiding. Just post Christmas hiding.

I always feel this way in January. I’m not really a Winter person and here it is upon us. Blergh. And I hate it.

For some inexplicable reason, this time of year, when I was single and kidless, would be when my drinking activities would ramp up. I guess, you can’t really do anything other than sit inside, so why not sit somewhere and drink? And smoke. And then put on your fifteen pounds of clothing to go back outside and go back into your house. Or sometimes, someone else’s house, depending on how the night went. My friend and I were talking about February one time and I told him that all it made me think of was drinking, smoking, and anonymous sex. It seemed like the right time of year for all that. Everything outside was dead and I felt like hiding from it.

My friend posted the lyrics to Bob Dylan’s Dream yesterday on Facebook, tagging me.

That’s when the Winter nostalgia that I always forget about hit me like a brick. About ten years since I have seen her and almost 20 since we first met.

Twenty years ago since we had classes together. Drank vodka until we were sick together. Went to parties together. Sang loudly together. Smoked pot and danced together. Watched Simpsons. Ate shitty college cafeteria food. Checked our mailboxes for a letter. Played kickball on the lawn. Walked to “town”. Laughed. And laughed until we couldn’t breathe and our faces hurt.

I could suddenly smell that room and the air of the campus.

I smiled and then realized that I will never be in that place again. Not physically, but mentally. Even if I went back now to that place with those people, it wouldn’t be the same. Everyone has changed, and grown, as we are to do as people. That is what made me sad.

That was one of THE best times and I can never again visit that pocket of time, other than in my head, to experience it again. I’m not sure that I fully embraced that until that particular moment.

The nostalgia always rattles around, but I think you believe you are the only one feeling that way at times. When another person is sharing that memory and feeling that pain of being unable to access that moment again, you almost cannot breathe.

This is AWESOME!

Bed Giggles

On New Year’s Eve, we went to a New Year’s Eve party. There isn’t much partying when you are making sure the preschooler isn’t destroying the house and watching a baby. It is still fun, but there is restraint on it, for sure.

So, at one point near the end of our evening, an older kid was playing with the baby:

“Hi baby, Hi baby, Hi baby, Hi BUUUUUUURP!”

He let out a Barney Gumble burp that would have made Homer Simpson raise an eyebrow.

He said, “Excuse me!” and took off.

My husband broke out into laughter (of course). An older gentleman at the party said, “WHO IS THE PIG??”

I mildly chuckled at that whole thing at the time.

Fast forward a few hours. We put the kids to bet, kissed after the ball drop, and went to bed early like all good boring New Year’s Eve parents do.

As I was falling asleep, that situation with the burp and the question came back into my head.

I played the scenario out again. I started giggling and giggling and giggling. My husband just laid there and tried to ignore me as I stiffled it.

Giggle, Giggle, Giggle, Tears, Tears, Tears, Giggle.

Stiffle.

GIGGLE, GIGGLE, TEARS…..etc.

I tried and tried and TRIED to stop it, but it was like a dam. There was NO way I was going to stop that gush of laughter.

I finally was able to calm myself after a good half of an hour of this.

It occurred to me that I cannot think of the last time that I laughed like that. This happens to me from time to time, where I just lose it and I mean LOSE IT, over something and cannot stop laughing.

As adults we rarely get to laugh when everything is weighing down on us. In fact, the thought of laughing at something even angers us sometimes.

This ISN’T FUNNY!!!

But when you try to stifle something that is you, it will come out. If you try to “control” your spirit, it will unleash itself.

No matter how tired you are.

How old you are.

How angry you were earlier.

It will come out, usually when you least expect it and need it the most.

I felt cleansed after that laugh. I know I need to do it more often. I can FEEL it.

I hope I don’t have to wait three months for it to happen again…….