We had Easter festivities at my house yesterday. And although it was a pretty good time, I was worn out by the end of the day and fell asleep soon after the kids did. Holidays change from the adults’ perspective when you start getting into all of the work that must be done to achieve a fun filled day. The time you spend enjoying just seems to feel like less compared to the time spent in preparation.
I tried to keep it a little smaller this year, but the kids still had fun. They still ate too much candy and were “too wild” when amped up on all this candy.
This morning, we sat at breakfast and I felt a sadness that we didn’t get to spend more time together having fun yesterday because I had to take care of so many adult tasks to make it “special”. I felt sadness that my children keep getting bigger and bigger and the time just goes faster and faster and I cannot slow it down; I can barely keep up. I felt sadness that our families keep drifting apart more and more each year instead of growing together. My husband complains that his family never has get togethers anymore and I felt bad for him. His grandma is still alive and that is probably why ANY family functions still even occur in his family. That sounds sad, but often, when the grandparents go, so goes the family. As it is our nature to move into our own immediate family traditions and create our own holiday events.
The older I get, the more the holidays make you remember your childhood and these childhood events. My family on both sides was large, so I remember big Easter egg hunts and tons of people crammed together in a tiny old house. I remember adults smoking in house (gasp!) and playing cards while they kids played outside, probably without an adult in sight. People showed up to be together and we stayed for long hours.
It just doesn’t seem to be that way anymore. I have alot of our traditions at our house and my parents stay but for a short time before they take off back to their homes. We go out there and usually stay longer, but have to scurry back home ourselves because somebody has to work or we have to go to another house. It just seems like we’re always rushing around and the normal things that we used to do when I was a kid, relaxing, it just doesn’t happen anymore. Everything feels OBLIGATORY instead of sitting down and having a good time.
I can’t fully explain myself; maybe aging has merely lifted a facade of what I thought holidays used to be. At any rate, it just seems to make me sad.